That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
