look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
