I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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