the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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