He passed out mid-signature
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
