Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
