1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
