I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
