I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
