I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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