wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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