So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
