Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We got so high we made milksteak
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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