And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize