HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
