your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
