Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
