He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
