i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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