i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
