I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
