You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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