ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so let's talk penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my shit smells like andre
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
