You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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