For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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