He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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