Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize