i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
