Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
