I just cut my nipple shaving
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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