I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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