I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
