u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
