I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
