I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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