so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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