Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dignity is for republicans.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
