There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had sex on a roof
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
