Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
