So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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