Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
