i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
