I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
