I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
