uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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