i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
