Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
