I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
