Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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