Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
