I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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