Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
