Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
