I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
