i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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