i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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