she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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