And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
