Jerry, you need to find god
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we made out on top of his cat.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
