At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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