Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
