exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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