Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
