i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
