So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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