he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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