She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
