Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
