You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
