I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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